I’m going home. As I return from two weeks in Budapest I would like to share my thoughts on my journey.The journey started at the end of 2015, when I realized that I wasn’t happy in my job. People told me that young people are too demanding (generation Y), that they quit jobs too fast. I should be lucky that I had a job. Something I can imagine after a financial crisis from 2008 until 2014 (I was studying economics at that time). As always I questioned things, just like such advices. Were they giving me advice or themselves? Does this say more about them or about me? What was holding me back from doing what I wanted to do? Fear… fear of the unknown?
It was the week before Christmas 2015, I came to the office and as I did the months before. Most of my colleagues were on holiday. I approached my ‘manager’ and asked/told him that I wanted an extra week off. I had already planned a holiday the week after. Two weeks off… I could use some time of reflecting and thinking. Just plain thinking. Is it me?… Is it the world? I came to the conclusion that I had done what was expected by society…, but what society? I am part of society… The common beliefs were there because of me. I made the choice… I said yes to rationality, to a secure wage, to the job.. But what I also did was saying no to my heart… my gut feeling.
Monday 4th of January 2016
Because of an injury (probably overcompensating mental struggles with sports) I went to the doctor and came in at work a little late. My colleagues had just finished the new-year’s reception. I walked to my manager and asked him if he had a few minutes to talk. I told him that I just didn’t want this any more as we had talked in the months before this wasn’t surprising.
My body gave me physicals signs that I needed to quit (sleeplessness, fatigue, feeling down). My feeling said that I needed to do something I loved doing. I knew what that was. I wrote my thesis on the subject (Control and Motivation). What happened was that what I had researched was happening to me. I got demotivated, not demotivated in my plans, but at work. While others were looking for jobs I would just quit mine… that does not make sense, does it? Should I do something that doesn’t make me happy and which stops me trying to go for something I am passionate about, because others don’t have a job or because others are unhappy? That can’t be a good reason to stay right?
Chamber of commerce
I registered at the chamber of commerce in November 2015 as Control & Motivate Consultancy along with Eelke Pijl from nourishpositivity. It was the first step (of many) but otherwise I would have waited until I would have the skills, the knowledge, the network, the experience etc. NO! Now was the time to start. No more excuses. Maybe my lack of experience, my enthusiasm, my positivity and my love for the subject would be the features that would benefit my business. I see it as my first triathlon experience.
I started triathlon not because I am a pro (nor will I ever be one (fixed mindset)) but I started it because I liked it… and could already do each thing separately (swimming, cycling, running). Now the time was right to put the pieces together… No experience at all, but with a good mentor I knew it would be a great experience, sometimes you just know it feels good even if you haven’t done it before. Now 3 years later I have done several events and signed up for even more. I can do each of the three sports separately, improving myself while practising them. But it’s not about the things you can’t do (fixed mindset) but about the things you can’t do YET (growth mindset). I am not (yet) a (good) writer. I am not (yet) a (experienced) public speaker. I am not (yet) a social entrepreneur.
I am flying back from my first trip in my new life. A life of doing things I like (even the functional need to do things). Not without ‘working’, but a life where work does not feel like working. Physically I have never been this strong. My mental capabilities are increasing every day. My confidence rises. I can do this! Fears are there to be dealt with. Sweaty hands are a sign that I am developing and learning new things. I should not walk away from these signs. I should go and discover them…
Meeting new people….
I had just checked in at the airport and just finished my cup of coffee and a sandwich. A man walked towards me and sat next to me at the same table. We started talking. He told me that he just found out (a year ago) that life isn’t about things you own, a large house or a nice car. It is not a rat race. These are the results of doing what you love to do. I suppose happy is the new rich. Something with wants and needs, now I recall my lectures of philosophy…. Somehow I get connected to people thinking the same, inspiring me. We are living in a world that is made up of certain dominant thoughts that we call ‘normal’. Maybe my life isn’t normal, nor do I intend it to be. People can do whatever they like, but my ideal life isn’t sitting behind a desk for 8 hours a day. I just know it is and will be one of (hopefully) inspiring people, entrusting, sharing knowledge (about management control) and last but not least; motivating people just as I motivate myself.
The journey continues
I am flying back home. I see clouds, the good white ones with all kinds of shapes and sizes. The sun is shining, just as the sun that is shining inside my head, sometimes a cloud passes over. I am on a road to somewhere, destination unknown. Next stop Rotterdam/the Hague Airport. I just landed. Thank you for flying with me.
If you would like to talk about this subject: contact me